Thursday, May 31, 2012

2 week countdown

I know I said in my previous post that I was making a conscious effort to NOT think about hip related stuff - because it was starting to terrify me. It still is. I have just been able to keep myself pretty busy until recently.

The trip to CO has begun. My pre-surgery fun, as I like to say. We (the whole family - the Mr. & both kiddos) flew in last week and kept ourselves pretty darn busy. There was a trip to the Children's Museum, several parks (including a sprinkler park), Bass Pro Shops, swimming and riding scooters to help pass the days. We even drove down to New Mexico and spent Memorial Day Weekend in Albuquerque with both sets of my grandparents.  We had a lot of fun and I was so glad to get to do that. Not to mention I get to spend lots of time trying to convince my sweet little nephew that he does, in fact, love me.

Well the Mr. left yesterday. Last night and today have been very lazy, you could say - relaxing, but I have been a big bundle of nerves. Without him being here to keep us busy and somewhat motivated. Now that he is gone - I have very little desire to do anything and that leads to thinking. I don't want to think.

To add to that... a nurse from my insurance company called to let me know that my surgery was pre-approved and deemed medically necessary. Phew, a big load off right?? I mean I don't have to worry about footing the bill for a surgery that could run anywhere from 60-100k right? That SHOULD make me happy right? The last piece of this puzzle fitting nicely - now all I have to do is show up in two weeks...

However, this phone call... it only increased my anxiety. I am not completely sure why. There are a couple obvious reasons... 1. It was a big fat blinking, flashing, neon reminder of what is happening in two weeks - forcing me to pull out the pre/post op paperwork and ask all the questions that were raised when I first received it.  2. There was always the small chance that insurance would deny this procedure and I wouldn't be able to go through with it... now I don't have that "out." So maybe this is why I am suddenly so freaked out that I can't even enjoy all the food that I crave when I come to Colorado. I guess the silver lining in that is that I MAY not gain an obscene amount of weight while I am here and not working out.

soooo... anyway.... 2 weeks from today, or yesterday I guess. I will be a woman with a surgically broken hip.

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Sunday, May 20, 2012

just under a month...

I know I have been a little absent. The end of the school year came up like a freight train! I was super busy, stressed and otherwise - mentally occupied.

Last week however, was my last week for the summer. We ended the year with a bang... almost literally. Wednesday morning - we had a pretty darn good earthquake. It registered at only 4.7 and 7 miles from my house but I swore it was stronger. My dresser (with TV on top) swayed, visably and a bunch of things fell in my pantry. Then Thursday (last day of school with students) we had a lockdown - not a drill-the real thing! There was a guy who lives next door to the school who was angry about the construction in front of the school who came out and threatened construction workers, pulled a gun and ran when the cops showed. Our school went into full-on lockdown mode and we even had to evacuate our pod of the school. Pretty crazy. Friday was simply a work-day and all I had to do was check-out of two schools and turn in my laptop for the summer.

Turning in my laptop almost meant a crisis in my household. We usually get to keep our computers all summer - I have never had to turn it in... and I was pretty upset that the ONE year I have a pretty nasty surgery with a LONG recovery - they decide we have to turn our laptops in for a OS upgrade. Luckily, I have a principal at one of my schools who is awesome and he let me check out one from the school (I usually go from my department - related services). So I will still have access to a computer and all my stuff for the summer! yay!

All of this, I think.... a vain attempt to distract me from what is coming... My hip surgery.

Geez - a bazillion (okay, a couple) people have kept asking me when the surgery is going to happen. I guess they are tired of seeing me on crutches... Well, that day, my friends, is less than a month away now.

I got my pre-op/post-op paperwork and almost puked. My mind has been occupied with work stuff recently but that package of papers made it take pause and now that I have nothing to think about... I am even more terrified than before, I just haven't had times to think about it. Well, now I do.

I am too late to donate my own blood (a big thanks to my dr's office for sending that paperwork so freaking late - it is impossible). I know what medications I will be on. I know approximately how long before I can drive and have sex... I know what I need to have rented before I leave the hospital...

We went camping - what we thought may be our only good chance at a camping trip this summer - before I am recovering from major surgery. It was tons of fun. We went fishing, shot bows, and hung around the campfire (drinking). It was a great weekend. And tomorrow, I will fly to CO to hang with my mom and sister before this upcoming, super-scary, super-serious surgery, and the flight back to AK.

We fly out tomorrow and now, I have just a little bit more of a distraction from what is coming in the next month on June 13th....

Sunday, May 6, 2012


I am starting to get scared... not just, I have a bad hip and need to do someting about it scared but... I think my hip is so messed up and the details of surgery are starting to get to me.

Let's face it... I am terrified. I have had one surgery in my life. It was exploratory laproscoptic surgery to look for or rule out endometriosious. That sucked and it hurt but to be honest... the worst I felt was when I tried to leave (day surgery) and almost passed out in the elevator and had to be wheeled back up for a couple hours.

This time, I know I will be in the hospital for at least 5-7 days so... I may as well get comfortable as soon as I wake up from general right? My mister, my mom and my kiddos will be RIGHT there and I have several close friends and family that will also be RIGHT THERE when I get back to help keep me company (as well as the Mr. and my mom + kiddos). So I guess we will see how it goes...

I get to meet an amazingly brilliant, well experienced, woman the week of my surgery. I met Tessa on a hip girl support board and she has made a huge difference in how I see this surgery and myself in it. She is having her second PAO done 2 days before mine by the same doctor... Amazing huh? So, if all goes well - she will be meeting me at my worst - right after my first surgery!!! But it is kinda cool to be so close to another Hip Chick and having the same surgery by the same doctor... She has already said that she will secure the cute Drs or nurses for our shifts!!...