a week from now...

So I decided... I kept my appointment with Dr. Mayo's office for February 16th. It helped a lot that I found out my insurance would cover two flights/year and since I know that my follow-up can be done up here - I bought the ticket. I fly out next Wednesday night.

I am nervous, almost to point of throwing up when I think about it long enough. This visit will hopefully give me more answers than questions. I will be seen by one of the top hip preservation specialists in the country (so I am told). I don't know what I am more scared of... him telling me that I won't be having the surgery or finding out that I do need it - now! I could get down there and he will decide that I will need this surgery at some point but it isn't necessary yet and that kind of scares me because of how much it hurts and how limited I feel. He could also say the other extreme, that I have too much damage and the surgery isn't an option anymore. Either one of those options leave me waiting. Waiting until it REALLY needs it or waiting until a total hip replacement will be done.

Neither of those outcomes will be good.

Then again, the green light for surgery is extremely scary too. This is a big surgery. I am nowhere near ready - emotionally. I don't know how to wrap my head around the changes this will bring. The effects is will have on my family.

Deep breath.